How to stop seeking validation from others and trust yourself

 Seeking approval from others is natural- we all want to feel accepted and valued. But when external validation becomes a constant need, it can hold you back from living authentically and making decisions that truly align with who you are. Learning to trust yourself instead of depending on outside opinions is one of the most powerful things you can do for your confidence, happiness, and overall growth. 

If you often find yourself doubting your choices, overthinking what others think, or feeling uneasy without reassurance, this post is for you. Let's explore why we crave validation, how it impacts our self-worth, and most importantly, how to break free and start trusting yourself. 

Why do we seek validation? 

At its core, the need for validation comes from a desire to belong. From childhood, we are conditioned to seek approval- whether from parents, teachers, or peers. We learn that praise brings acceptance and criticism feels like rejection. While validation in small doses can be motivating, relying on it too much can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and a fear of making decisions without approval. 

Here's what happens when we become overly dependent on external validation: 

• We hesitate to make decisions because we want someone else to reassure us. 
• We change our opinions or behaviors to fit what others expect. 
• We feel anxious or insecure when we don't receive positive feedback. 
• We struggle to trust our own instincts and second-guess ourselves. 

Breaking free from this pattern requires shifting your focus inward- learning to validate yourself rather than looking for approval from others. 

How to stop seeking validation and trust yourself

1. Recognize when you're seeking approval

The first step is self-awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts and actions: 

• Do you hesitate to speak up because you're afraid of judgment? 
• Do you frequently ask for others' opinions before making decision? 
• Do you feel uneasy when someone doesn't acknowledge your efforts? 

Noticing these patters can help you break the habit of constantly looking outside yourself for reassurance. 

Try this: 

For the next week, observe when you seek validation. Instead of asking for someone's opinion, pause and ask yourself: "What do I think about this? What do I want?" 
This small shift can help you start relying on your own judgement. 

2. Strengthen your self-trust

Trusting yourself is like building a muscle- it takes practice. If you've spent years depending on external validation, self-trust might feel unfamiliar, but it can be developed. 

How to build self-trust: 

• Start with small decisions. Pick something simple- like choosing a meal or an outfit- without asking for input. 
• Listen to your intuition. That gut feeling you get? It's worth paying attention to. 
• Remind yourself of past successes. Reflect on times when you made good decisions on your own. 

The more you practice trusting yourself, the stronger that inner confidence will become. 

3. Validate yourself instead of waiting for others

One of the biggest shifts you can make is learning to give yourself the validation you seek from others. Instead of waiting for someone to praise you or reassure you, start acknowledging your own worth. 

Ways to self-validate: 

• Celebrate your wins, big or small. 
  Instead of waiting for recognition, acknowledge your own efforts. 
• Speak kindly to yourself. 
  Replace self-doubt with affirmations like "I trust my choices" or "I am enough."
• Journal your thoughts. 
  Writing down your feelings can help you process emotions without needing external reassurance. 

I've personally found journaling to be one of the most effective ways to self-validate. Whenever I start doubting myself, I write down my thoughts and remind myself why I made a particular decision. Seeing it on paper helps me feel more confident in my choices. 

4. Stop overanalyzing others' opinions

The truth is, people's opinions are often based on their experiences, insecurities, and beliefs- not on what's actually best for you. 

• Some will approve of you. 
• Some won't.
• Neither defines your worth. 

Instead of over analyzing how others might perceive you, remind yourself: You can't control what others think, but you can control how much power you give their opinions. 

Shift your perspective: 

Next time you catch yourself worrying about what someone thinks, ask yourself: "If no one else had an opinion on this, what would I do?"

This question brings you back to your own values and desires, rather than external expectations. 

5. Set boundaries with people who undermine your confidence

Not everyone will understand your journey toward self-trust, and that's okay. Some people may try to protect their fears onto you, question your decisions, or make you feel like you need their approval. 

How to handle this: 

• Limit time with those who constantly criticize or doubt you. 
• Be selective with whose advice you take. Seek input only from those who truly support you. 
• Practice saying "thank you, but I trust my own judgement."

By setting boundaries, you create space to build confidence in your own decisions rather than relying on external input. 

6. Accept that not everyone will approve of you- and that's okay

No matter what you do, someone will always have an opinion- positive or negative. Trying ti please everyone is exhausting and impossible. 

Instead of focusing on approval, focus on authenticity. Ask yourself: 
"Am I making this choice because it aligns with my values, or because I want validation?"

The more you live in alignment with your true self, the less you'll feel the need to seek approval. 

Final thoughts 

Letting go of need for validation isn't about ignoring others completely- it's about learning to trust yourself first. When you build self-trust, you'll find that you no longer need constant reassurance, because you already know you're on the right plan. 

Start small. Trust your instincts. Validate yourself. And remember, your worth isn't determined by how others see you- it's defined by how you see yourself. 

What's one step you can take today to trust yourself more? Let me know in the comments- I'd love to hear your thoughts!